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Recent The Legion of Doom Video Rating Other Lore Sites |
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ANGELIC ORDERS, PART II Virtues These guys have the fun job. They make miracles. I assume there's a whole team assigned to making the face of Jesus appear on stuff, with highly prestigious baked goods division, the less-prestigious tree burl division, and the lowly appendectomy scar/skin rash division. The real go-getters, though, are in the sports competition division, and have the challenging task of assessing the relative virtue and prayer rate of each team in every sporting event everywhere and assigning a winner accordingly. So every time you see a slugger hit a home run, that's a Virtue at work. Unless it's Barry Bonds. He's just really really good. B Powers These are the angels who patrol the border between Heaven and Earth, making sure that demons don't sneak across. I find myself disappointed to learn that this is even an issue. The idea of a celestial cineplex with angelic ushers keeping demonic high school kids from getting in through the fire exits of paradise is disconcerting, to say the least. The Powers also make sure human souls are guided to their proper destination, which only supports the usher metaphor. Not only does this raise all sorts of philosophical questions regarding omnipotence and fate, it also invalidates thousands of New Yorker cartoons involving St. Peter and the Pearly Gates. D Principalities These angels watch over cities nations. That's interesting. Apparently every nation on the planet has a guardian angel, and, depending on who you talk to, either all cities or just the larger ones. I think there's potential for a series of inspirational illustrations there: a guardian angel making sure Kuala Lumpur doesn't cross the street without looking both ways, a guardian angel protecting Bulgaria from the temptations of a woman of ill repute, Las Vegas's guardian angel taking his kickback from the mob. Really, the possibilities are as endless as they are stupid. C- Archangels Finally, we're starting to get into the arena of what people generally recognize as a plain old regular angel. We can even name at least four of these guys: Michael, Gabriel, Raphael, and Donatello. Except Michael is also a Seraph. And possibly a Virtue. So I dunno. Maybe he moonlights, or holy-presence-of-God-lights. Or whatnot. Anyhow, the Archangels deliver messages and fight demons. These are the angels that would get the major ladies, if major ladies were the sort of thing that angels were into getting. Still, I have to believe that there are plenty of angel groupies out there. B- Angels And now we have the plain old regular everyday angels. The lowest, least exalted angels are the ones who watch over actual people, which is pretty insulting when you think about it. Nonetheless, these are the angels with the most profit potential, the once that get made into pendants and greeting cards and G-rated movies. There are two reason for this. First, people are pretty selfish when you get down to it, and most people would prefer to think about an angel that looks after them personally than one that looks after Luxembourg. Secondly, porcelain statuettes of creatures with four heads and six wings don't look good next to the Hummel collection. C
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