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ITEMS FROM THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL CONVENTION GIFT BAG, PART 2 N.A.D.A. Official Used Car Guide This, I don't get. Political connection: none. Boston connection: none. Colors: not red, white, and blue. There isn't even some tenuous slogan like "America was pre-owned too, but thanks to N.A.D.A you don't have to slaughter Prius owners to get the car you want. Probably." I can only assume this is part of some plan to wrest control of the used car-pricing market from Kelly Blue Book, some long-term scheme to install N.A.D.A. as a powerful but poorly-named automobile sales lobby. This would be more believable if the guide wasn't just for July-September 2004. It's hard to consolidate political influence with a three-month expiration date. D Program Lots of words, lots of pictures, lots of ads, all to hammer home two main points. First, John Edwards looks just like the late John Ritter. I would not be surprised to see Chrissy and Janet handed important cabinet posts. Secondly, firefighters love Kerry, at least some firefighters. I imagine the Republicans have their own firefighters. Firefighters are a major political power nexus now. I hope they don't abuse their newfound influence. They might start demanding bigger hats, or tax subsidies for people who see Ladder 49. C+ Dunkin' Donuts Coffee I just want to point out that I love those little vacuum-packed coffee packets where it feels like a stiff brick of coffee chaw but when you open them, poof! Grounds! For you! Even better would be actual coffee chaw. I'd love to chew on a brick of coffee like a hillbilly in an early Looney Tunes short, then spit into a spitoon. It would go "clang!" If Kerry did that it would help against charges that he's out of touch with the common man. But not Dunkin' Donuts coffee. We don't want him that common. B The Good City This book is subtitled "Writers Explore 21st-century Boston." I am a lover of literature, but I can barely stay awake even reading that. If it were less vague ("Writers Explore the Sewers of 21st-century Boston") it might draw me in, but as it is when I thumb through it all the words appear to read "Wouldn't a nap be nice right now?" I don't think many delegates are going to take time from the politicorgy to read "An Eden of Sorts: An Unnatural History of the Shawmut Peninsula." I dunno, maybe that's what the coffee's for. D ID Holders Hey, practical. I've been to few conventions, and none that specifically make space for Idahoans, but I know that they generally require ID and that without a chest pocket there's no place to clamp it. At most conventions I go to people just attach it to their lightsaber clip or cloak folds, but I doubt that applies to many people at the DNC. Although politics would be vastly improved if it did. Say what you like about cosplay, Kerry would look great dressed as an Ent. I'd vote for an Ent. Until such time as I am given the opportunity by this so-called "democracy" to vote for fictional sentient trees, this neckstrap clip thingy will have to do. A-
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