|
Recent The Legion of Doom Video Rating Other Lore Sites |
|
ELEMENTS, PART I Hydrogen I really want to see hydrogen succeed, if only to prove to the world what you can accomplish with only one proton. The fact is, however, that hydrogen is the loser element. Thus far it has been associated with exploding airships, nonexistent cold fusion, unpopular personal transports, and vegetable oil that isn't actually better for you than butter. With a resume like that, I wouldn't be surprised to find out that hydrogen was behind the XFL and the sequels to the Matrix. D+ Helium Helium is like hydrogen's laid-back brother, the one whose major life goal is to own all of Buffy on DVD, and he's already got seasons one and two. Fun guy to hang out with, knows good jokes, but you can't help but think he's a bit of a slacker. Helium seems pretty happy filling party balloons, making voices squeaky, and adding another camera angle to the Super Bowl. He also might be a non-polluting by-product of certain futuristic power sources, but eh. By-product. C- Terbium/Ytterbium/Erbium/Yttrium All four of these rare earth metals are named after the same town in Sweden, so they have to share an entry. You want your element to get individual attention, put some work into the name, dammit. I could understand if all the good names were taken, but in a world where "kaboomium," "explodium," and "pornographium" still do not exist, there's just no excuse. It's just as well, though, because these are about as boring as a metallic element can be, and that's within four degress of absolute boring. Yttrium is the standout in the group, and that's just because it assists in some way in creating the color red on phosphor-based television sets. It's the element equivalent of meeting Penn Jillette's travel agent at a party. D Seaborgium What I like about seaborgium is that enough has been created in the laboratory to get it on the periodic table, but not enough to actually see. So they don't really know much about it, except that it doesn't stick around for long. Personally I'm not convinced that you should ge to name an element until you produce enough of it to dare someone to eat it, but I don't make the rules. There are actually several of these phantom elements, but I'm arbitrarily picking this one to talk about because it's the only one that sounds like it might attack your ship in a Ray Harryhausen film. B- Carbon The great thing about carbon is that you can crush it to make diamonds if you're Superman and if you ignore certain thermodynamic principles. He did it all the time, too, it was one of his shticks. Every time he wanted to propose to Lois Lane or replace the needle on his turntable or simply make the point that, yes, he can crush charcoal into diamonds, it was the old diamond-fist again. I bet he ruined a lot of barbecues with that one. "Okay, let's get this grill started, we'll just grab some briquettes and the hey? Diamonds! Damn you, Superman!" A
|
|
|
