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Recent The Legion of Doom Video Rating Other Lore Sites |
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ELEMENTS, PART III Silver Nemesis of werewolves and chambermaids everywhere. Friend to photographers, makers of ankh necklaces, and people being attacked by werewolves or chambermaids. Icon of second-place winners, second-best reading groups, The Lone Ranger, and the Lone Ranger's horse. I enjoy silver for all these reasons, plus it has the atomic symbol "Ag." Say it with me! Ag! A Calcium You know that calcium is important in preventing post-menopausal women from buying orange juice without calcium in it, but did you know that it's important to the creation of quicklime, which is used as a fluxing agent in the creation of steel and also in flue gas desulfurization? If you did know, have you done anything to educate others? The US ranks second-to-last among industrialized western countries in knowledge that quicklime is used as a fluxing agent in the creation of steel and also in flue gas desulfurization, just above Andorra. It's going to take effort from all of us to fix this sad, sad, state of affairs. Just remember the mnemonic "Quiet Islands Understand All Art, Forever Amending Indian Tails Coveted Over Superb Accidents At Incredible Flue Gas Desulfurization" and you'll never go wrong. C Gold More evidence that I was abandoned on this planet by the Transdimensional Emu People: I don't like gold. Here's this metal which serves as a metaphor for "beautiful," "desirable," and in our nation's elementary schools, "didn't piss off teacher today," and I don't care for it. I think it's ugly and gaudy. Oh, I'll take any you have lying around, but I'll trade it in for T-bills and Milk Duds as soon as is reasonable. D+ Mercury The cruelest metal. With its hypnotic liquidity, it begs you to run it over your hand, see if flow across your skin. And of course, if you do, you end up in the moron ward of your local hospital. It's as if God, having finished the whole Forbidden Fruit of Knowledge affair, turned to the transition metals for more work in the same motif. C+ Aluminum Science has delved into the very nucleus of this element, alloyed it and amalgamated it, but nonetheless is still unable to determine why aluminum is able to block all known forms of alien and governmental mind-controlling rays. Certainly it's a frustration to the CIA and the R'ylegh'ni, but I think it's a testimony to the resourcefulness of our nation's insane paranoid freaks that they've discovered so effective a defense. B Nitrogen Nitrogen is the main reason pedants have to keep reminding you that "air" and "oxygen" are not the same thing. Nitrogen makes up nearly eighty percent of the Earth's atmosphere. You're soaking in it! If nitrogen was tiny spiders you'd be really unhappy until you died. But oxygen gets all the attention. That's not why I love nitrogen, though. I love nitrogen because it's responsible for the most entertaining fifteen minutes in high school physics: The Liquid Nitrogen Follies. Hammer nails with a banana! Shatter a rose! Remove the hamster's warts! Woo! A+
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