The Book of Ratings | Hobo Signs, Part I

data/hobosigns.html The Book of Ratings | Hobo Signs, Part I

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HOBO SIGNS, PART I

The Owner is Not Here

[Sign] This doesn't seem very good. Unless the owner is thoughtful enough to erase the symbol on his way back in, this is about as useful as a symbol meaning "it's six-thirty." I suppose you could carefully inscribe it somewhere where it's going to get concealed whenever the ower gets home, maybe by putting it in his driveway or writing it in dust on the welcome mat, then spreading some dirt around the walkway so that the owner wipes his feet when he comes home. But that doesn't seem like the sort of things that hobos do. When you're playing word association, "hobo" is rarely followed by "elaborate plan." D-

Crime Committed Here

[Sign] I find this one strangely chilling. If I'm ever walking down a dirt road and I see the "crime committed here" sign, I'm definitely getting the heebies, and I'm seriously considering the jeebies. I think it's the vagueness. The crime could be littering or telemarketing to someone on the Do Not Call list, but the fact that it doesn't specify makes it seem like it must refer to some crime too terrible to mention. One involving severed heads, bloody manacles, or both. When you think about it, though, vandalism and grafitti are crimes, making this the only self-fulfilling hobo sign. B

A Man With a Gun Lives Here

[Sign] You'd think the symbol for "man with gun" would have something at least vaguely resembling a man or a gun. This looks more like the symbol for "moose in a tent." Not only is it anti-intuitive, it means you're at a loss if you ever want to warn people about a tent with a moose in it. My other complaint is that if I were a hobo I'd want the symbol for "man with a gun" to be something very simple, preferably something you could scrawl across a fencepost while running like a startled springbok. D+

Tell a Pitiful Story

[Sign] Apparently soft-hearted widows don't go in for variety. You'd think after the fifteenth hard luck story the potential sandwich donor would want to hear something upbeat, perhaps a humorous story involving baby ducks and an unusual hat such as a derby or fireman's helmet. But no, thanks to "Hobo Bill" VanDerScratchy and his "pitiful story" symbol, she has to listen to yet another tale of starving children and a devoted mother succumbing to diptheria. Can't you at least put spacemen in it or something? C

Free Telephone

[Sign] My brain gets in surly, personal arguments with itself over which to boggle over first, the fact that a hobo would have need of a telephone, or that the symbol for such would be a plover. I can't imagine the hobo lifestyle has a lot of advantages, but right at the top has to be "lack of dependency on telecommunications." If they ever develop a hobo symbol for "owner has a PS2 with the online adapter and will let you get in a quick game of Madden," I'm going to be very sad. Even moreso if it's some sort of shorebird. D

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