|
Recent The Legion of Doom Video Rating Other Lore Sites |
|
PASTA SHAPES, PART II Vermicelli Normally I would balk at the idea that I'm eating worms, but that's old news when it comes to spaghetti-like pasta. Without the power of the worm comparison, third-grade lunchroom humor would be a shadow of its robust, grubby self. By the time you hit puberty, though, you're pretty jaded by the idea of a plate full of marinara-soaked earthworms, and in addition you've realized that if somebody sneezed on your meatball hard enough to make it roll off the table and onto the floor, you probably wouldn't want it more anyway. B- Ravioli I really appreciate the effort that goes into making ravioli, even when it's a machine doing all the work. I'm a big proponent of the "stick everything in a big pile then heat it until it won't kill you" school of fine cuisine, so the effort required to turn each little pasta hunk into its own miniature packed lunch is truly touching and appalling. Three cheese ravioli is particularly odd, because at that point you're dealing with nearly microscopic amounts of each individual cheese. It's like homeopathic pasta flavoring. B+ Rotini I find it hard to resist the desire to straighten rotini out. This is not unqiue to rotini, I have this reaction with most food that comes in a spiral or twisted form: Red Vines, those little wrapped sandwiches, curly fries...it just seems to me that food would rather be flat. I have yet to unravel a spiral cut ham into a single continuous ham path, but I have no doubt that I would find it very satisfying. I also think it would be fun to hurl myself along it as if it were a pork-based Slip N' Slide. C+ Orzo I just don't see why pasta has to be rice. Rice is rice, it says so right on the package, after "basmati." If pasta insists on being rice, then rice is going to want to be couscous and couscous is going to get drunk and start whining about how potatoes get all the good parts. Plus I am concerned that at some point someone is going to inadvertently make and serve pasta sushi. I'm not sure the space-time continuum can handle that; I'm fairly certain it will open up a wormhole out of which will pour angry skeleton people with clubs made of pure solidified hate. D Ziti I am told that "ziti" means "bridegrooms." I have been unable to locate any convincing reasons for the name. Given that ziti are tubular and slightly curved, I can't help but suspect that we're dealing with a colossal culinary dick joke. There are some suggestions that it's because it's a traditional Sicilian wedding dish, but I don't buy it. If food was named after who ate it, Cheetos would be called "Dungeon Masters." No, I'm going to stick with the penis theory, or specifically with this particular penis theory. I have a lot of penis theories. Get me drunk, say "penis theory" and get comfy because you're getting a three-unit course. A
|
|
|
