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PORN TITLES TAKEN FROM A LIST SOME GUY POSTED TO USENET, PART 3 Poetic Just-Ass If you have to do the Justice/Just Ass pun -- and let me assure you that you don't -- there has to be a better venue for it than "Poetic Just-Ass." How about "Department of Just Ass"? That's pretty good. Or "The Just Ass League of America"? Or "Former Chief Just Ass Warren Buggerer"? Really, the field is wide open. As it were. Plus the title has that condescending little hyphen in there, just so that's it's utterly clear that a clever play on words is being executed, because otherwise you might take it home, watch it, wank to it, be taking your good pants to the dry cleaner and then say "Oh! Just ass! I get it!" D Real Adventures #10 I appreciate the attempt to evoke a sense of fun and thrill without pulling out the Big Book of Body Part Slang Terms, but this is just too vague. It sounds like something from Boy's Life magazine. Plus, now that I think about it, how is this distinct from any other porn title? It's porn, even the fake stuff is real. Maybe you've got people dressed up as nuns or ninjas or ninja nuns, but once the half-assed costumes come off, all of the sucking and nearly all the fucking is as real as Larry Hagman. A real Real Adventure would involve two people having sex while moaning "I need the money! I need the money!" C Another White Trash Whore I assume that this is a sequel to a movie called "White Trash Whore." Like "Another 48 Hours" or "Another Stakeout," except presumably more people saw it. It does bring up the question of what further movies in this would be called. My suggestions would be "Still Another White Trash Whore," "Still Another White Trash Whore II," and "White Trash Whore: Havana Nights." I also think they might consider putting more than one white trash whore in each movie. Maybe one could be really slovenly, and the other could be marginally less slovenly. They could get in arguments about how far from the trash can is "close enough." C- Gang Bang Angels #6 I imagine that "angels" in this case is purely metaphorical. It would be cool if it wasn't, though. A supernatural divine being gang bang would be refreshing, with an assortment of low-cut diaphanous gowns and holy thongs and such. I can't help but suspect that the concept of furiously and variously fornicating angels being filmed and the resulting tape being shipped to foul-smelling porn shops across the United States probably goes against the dogma of quite a few religions, even the relatively tolerant ones that let you masturbate in the first place. Fun fact: Did you know that some angels are traditionally portrayed as giant flaming many-eyed wheels? There's an interesting image for a porn movie. "I don't do anal, watersports, or flaming wheels." B I Love Lesbians #9 I suppose it's too much to hope that this is a tribute to the old I Love Lucy show, with a lot less Fred and a lot more Ethel. I bet Ricky'd let her be in his show then! Even if this series is just the typical array of lipstick lesbians, lacy lingerie, laconic licking, and large lubed lifelike lingams, "I Love Lesbians" is such a pleasant way to put it. It speaks to the more pleasant, more tolerant, and yet equally semen-stained future envisioned by Robert A. Heinlein. A
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